coulou's cafe trumpet meditations (no. 40)

hihihi lovely people, it was a warm day in new york today and i took my cat on a walk and i played soccer and i recorded a meditation, so i'm feeling very grateful for all of that. i have to vent a tinyyyyy bit cause im so bummed, someone stole the front wheel to my ebike and dang just a smol L to take cause thats how i be getting around everywhere but at least it was just the wheel but also humph things are so expensive and i did not budget for that this month lol. okok got that out there. also, this awesome sweater im wearing, someone at the company https://fromflowers.co/ just sent me this out of being super nice and wanna shout them out cause this sweater is sooo dope and it has pockets and i match beans perfectly with it. this is not an ad theyre just nice people and the fit is dope and i love the sweater, thank u to from flowers :).

to be honest, i was feeling so wound upppp last week. i had these dope moments of a label reaching out, a management group reaching out, even maybe a little brand deal coming in. and i found myself so stressed and overwhelmed, other personal life things were feeling not good as well. those weird moments in life where when the things you think you want the most start to look like they're happening, you end up feeling stressed and not good at all. i was definitely spiraling a bit and couldn't shake this feeling of tense anxiety alllll week. then on friday i had this beautiful opportunity to play a live improvised set with these two absolutely incredible musicians. i knew pretty much nothing about what i was walking into, the setting was intimate and calming. from the moment i began to play i just poured my heart out through my instrument. over the course of those few hours i started to feel all the stresses unravel around me. this clear and present reminder that all that i have been working for in this life is in front of me right now. i get to play music every day, i have friends and family that i love, i'm alive and healthy. these simple and obvious aspects of life that i can struggle to be grateful for just came back to my heart. often times these kinds of thoughts are only meaningful if when you hear or think them, you can feel them too. and in that moment i really could feel this deep sense of love and presence. i came out of that show so grounded, really reminded that all these things i'm worried about aren't going to disappear and if anything it should be a clear sign that things are going well.

today i am telling myself, i know what i don't know. not knowing is knowing in itself, i know that i don't know. and rather than feeling like i'm stuck in all these liminal spaces, just trying to figure everything out, i can take a deep deep breath and tell myself i am on the right track, it is moving at the speed it moves, and when i ask myself the big question, "how do i know i am where i am supposed to be?" i will answer to myself, "because it is where i am now."
love u all, grateful i get to share all these sounds and thoughts with you, thank you for all the comments as well, i really love reading them.

here's some links :)

https://linktr.ee/coulou_

lovelovelovelove,

coulou